Hello, Readers/ Inquirers/Pupils of Pure Romance,

My name is Dr. Fladosch Cann. I would be inclined to say you can call me “Fladosch,” as I believe studied causality begets forthright communication, but I’d rather not frivolously cross the border of our potential virtual doctor-patient relationship, especially so near its inception.

It is my opinion that REAL doctors have the professionalism to restrain themselves from personalizing their “work” on “Ohpra” and later on his own so-called “television show.”

Of course, I don’t intend to cast aspersions on any so-called “professionals” in particular, but I will say that if the good doctor Philistine (that’s pseudonym to preserve anonymity), ever decides to seek the aid of a true professional, I would be happy to recommend a good gynecologist.

[ You see, a gynecologist is a woman’s doctor. Ha! ]

I could go on to warn you of the many dubious cronies that work in my field, but I am confident that after you’ve read a bit of my history, there will be little doubt that your psychological needs with be met in this new outlet for my expertise. Yes, as you may have inferred by now, I am to be the psychologist and advice columnist in-residence for this website you’ve trusted with your online presence, Kritik Magazine.

But enough about them.

My quest for expertise in the field of love, sex and success started in the years of my graduate study. Those were undoubtedly the best eight years of my life, which I spent studying the mating habits of predatory insects.

The knowledge basis I acquired from that experience led to an advanced study in a variety of endangered and hermaphrodite invertebrates. It was in the later study that I learned of dangerous herbal sex organ enhancers and aggressive primate muscle adaptations. As I became more and more committed to the authenticity of my production, I experienced the dangers first hand.

While I endured several unexpected physical changes I made the best of my situation, as I am wont to do, and quickly advanced into a seat as the three-time runner-up in the Eastern Maine over-45 women’s body building championship. Three consecutive years, mind you.

The near-celebrity status I attained from that title opened a new world of meaningful relations, which I enjoyed but immediately left behind to contribute to those less fortunate in their love lives and careers. Which brings me to you: the less fortunate. Especially you, there, with the dog-eared copy of She’s Really, Really Just Not That Into You At All. Life can only improve, yes?

My post-doctoral work was marked by the publishing of the now world renown series of Madlib Romance Novels. It was intended to be a solely supplemental piece to my scientific work, but as usual, I miscalculated the breadth of my influence. I receive weekly emails detailing the series’ life changing effects.

Much of my related work appears in the Marmara Medical Journal, the Archives of Dermatology, Deadly Spinach, Ted Karmichael’s Spenectomy, Sweet June Bugs and the Apple Tree Delight, The Menstrual Cycle of a Mongolian Hedgehog, Cumquat Deliverance, Wrestling with Samson, Lisa Lymphnode’s Legless Brigade, and many more.

Now, gentle readers, I would like to reassure you. Though my experience is nearly limitless, I welcome any of your questions, large or small. I would, ask, however, that my listening ear be the only ear you seek in your quest for knowledge. I would like to avoid conflicting opinions, especially since so many others are garbage.

I am now, as Lincoln used to say, “open for business.”

Please send all questions concerning the human relationship to dr.fladosch@gmail.com.

Benevolent Regards,

Dr. Fladosch Cann

P.S. The powers that be here at Kritik have alerted me that this space will, very rarely, be shared with guest author – female counterpart to offset my masculinity. I hope to introduce her properly after I’ve fully verified her credibility.